Monday, April 19, 2004
no i am not tinkin otherwise on ur post on cher .. it is juz tht i am not as open-hearted as her ..
not tht i am unable to forgo this matter ...
but it hurts .... it hurts tht u wasnt there still ...
yes u explain ... but some pt of another .. there is a void ....
i hve to accept ur explaination coz they are ur feelings ....
but i really at lost on openin up now ... i dunnoe the nxt time tht when i anticipate the most n open up the most .. and let mi fell there .. tht y i am cant really let tht go ...
it is not an arguement but a misunderstandin .. n led to many issues on ur opinions conflictin with mine ...
i once thot tht our friendship really can stand anything .. for u accept mi n i accept u
but becoz of ur opinions , u chose to not say ur feelings and chose to not open to mi ..
and chose not to come when i really wished u did ... and with tht i misunderstand u ..
and one thing led to another .. it isnt tht simple now ...
dun be sorry it has cause any strain , for it has happened .. and seriously , when tis is really over,.. i really tink there will be a gap ... a void btw us ... u knw it , i knw it ... i juz dunnoe how to close it .. even u can open ur arms back , but i tink deep inside u , u would definately knw tht there will be a gap tht is hard to close ....
tht y i dunnoe how to face it .. i dunnoe how to replace the void into something ...
i actually dun like to tok abt it with others .. i keep hidin n hidin it ... n it seems harder n harder everything ...
others may find mi petty in my way of thinkin .. though it is not a big whoha .. but it someway of another, it did affect mi .... it did slam mi hard .. this issues is like keep revolving mi .. n u noe mi .. i wouldnt say it .. till i hve to ... i wouldnt mention how i feel to others , till i hve to n forced to ... tht y the loss .. tht y the unknown n unsure ... i seriously dunnoe how to close the gap and really feel the gap .. i dunnoe how to continue tok to u .. i dunnoe how to continue open up to u ... i dunnoe how to react nxt time when there are conflicts on thinking ... i dunnoe how to ....
u r the nxt best thing tht happen to be other than my family .. i thot i was really close , maybe tht y n where i hit hard ...
it is not tht i am blamin u .. or anything .. but i am at loss at our friendship ... i really unsure on the nxt step ...
i am afraid to take the nxt step .... i ......
++ cravings ++
+ Get a Better Job
+ Coach Wallet
+ Ipod Nano 4GB in Silver
+ LCD monitor [ W/S opt ]
+ Johnnie Walker Blue Label
+ [ Sold ] LG Prada Phone
+ Ralph Lauren Polo
* White, Black and Blue
+ LG KS10
+ Nintendo DS Lite
+ R4 Option for DS
+ Digicam 7 mega pixels
+ Weight : 52 - 55 kg
+ save up for investment
+ Ralph Lauren / Gucci Bag
+ Have a Business of my mine
* believe mi i hve tons of ideas « hide details
