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Monday, April 19, 2004
 
no i am not tinkin otherwise on ur post on cher .. it is juz tht i am not as open-hearted as her ..
not tht i am unable to forgo this matter ...
but it hurts .... it hurts tht u wasnt there still ...
yes u explain ... but some pt of another .. there is a void ....
i hve to accept ur explaination coz they are ur feelings ....
but i really at lost on openin up now ... i dunnoe the nxt time tht when i anticipate the most n open up the most .. and let mi fell there .. tht y i am cant really let tht go ...
it is not an arguement but a misunderstandin .. n led to many issues on ur opinions conflictin with mine ...

i once thot tht our friendship really can stand anything .. for u accept mi n i accept u
but becoz of ur opinions , u chose to not say ur feelings and chose to not open to mi ..
and chose not to come when i really wished u did ... and with tht i misunderstand u ..
and one thing led to another .. it isnt tht simple now ...

dun be sorry it has cause any strain , for it has happened .. and seriously , when tis is really over,.. i really tink there will be a gap ... a void btw us ... u knw it , i knw it ... i juz dunnoe how to close it .. even u can open ur arms back , but i tink deep inside u , u would definately knw tht there will be a gap tht is hard to close ....

tht y i dunnoe how to face it .. i dunnoe how to replace the void into something ...
i actually dun like to tok abt it with others .. i keep hidin n hidin it ... n it seems harder n harder everything ...
others may find mi petty in my way of thinkin .. though it is not a big whoha .. but it someway of another, it did affect mi .... it did slam mi hard .. this issues is like keep revolving mi .. n u noe mi .. i wouldnt say it .. till i hve to ... i wouldnt mention how i feel to others , till i hve to n forced to ... tht y the loss .. tht y the unknown n unsure ... i seriously dunnoe how to close the gap and really feel the gap .. i dunnoe how to continue tok to u .. i dunnoe how to continue open up to u ... i dunnoe how to react nxt time when there are conflicts on thinking ... i dunnoe how to ....
u r the nxt best thing tht happen to be other than my family .. i thot i was really close , maybe tht y n where i hit hard ...

it is not tht i am blamin u .. or anything .. but i am at loss at our friendship ... i really unsure on the nxt step ...
i am afraid to take the nxt step .... i ......


[ - 雯'§ - ] penning down @ 4/19/2004 05:24:00 AM

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sans amour .. mir ist einsam.....






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