Wednesday, May 10, 2006
listening to : JJ - Yuan LaiYesterday came a revelation I really could not accept nor agree upon. Came to knw a lot of lies and bullshit from one whom i respect the most. So full of self-righteous and full of morals he was and yet the things he do is juz built out of deception. And to tink i build my life by the lies he gave, the trust i gave to him and the respect for him. In order not disappoint him, I gave my best to my studies. Gave my best to not them worryin abt me and work fucking hard in order to balance my studies and work in order not to fail. In order to makeup for the insufficient cash, the things I did to earn them, juz in order not to heave the burden i am to them. And yet, yesterday came to realise that I was the dumb one. the dumb one who shames myself for not being as righteous as he is, shames myself for not being as family-consious as he is, shames myself for not being a person who values morals as he did. Who is he to mock at others on him being the honest one, who is he to even shame me on not being concerned to my family. And for that, at least at this moment being an adult i hve not hurt my family in any ways that I knw of, not leaving such consequences for the family to be forced on such results
The betrayal in my heart burns so much that I couldnt forgive him, it is not that I dun love him nor respect him. But becoz to me, he is a person who i value too much that the betrayal cant be forgiven. Reason being he should hve not done what shouldnt in the first place, and that betrayal is real and raw. And that I could only feel bitterness towards him, and couldnt help despising his past actions, his current actions and his everything. What i can understands are mistakes that are not fatal, but with this issue tht mistake was not meant to be taken place at anytime. I couldnt help loathing the words he said on morals and sticking to principles and how one should follow his belief faithfully and not be easily succumb to tempations.
At this pt of time, i really want to be alone, not wishing to tok much. Frenz if you are readin this, at tis moment i really wish to be alone, not to be disturb so if you guys could please respect that, thanks.
[ - 雯'§ - ] penning down @ 5/10/2006 10:45:00 AM
