Readin his blog about his life, his family , his children and his friday date nite with his wife, makes so want to be in a relationship, to share such intimacy with another individual and the things tht u can share with each other. I remember in Xiaxue blog, she mentioned about how she is touched by how mrbrown treats his wife, and with him saying

No lah, most of the times our attention are with the children. Hence friday night is the only night to pamper her and for her only.

Very heart-warming and really loved. Envied how mrbrown is willin to share his wife's burden, the struggle for the better good. Like how my parents gone through so much .. Situations like my dad's 1st business went burst, how my mum willin to struggle with him hand-in-hand. And when my maternal grandpa's was in so many gambling debts, which my dad is willing to pay off even it is juz his father-in-law and not his real dad, I guess which becoz my dad's dad die when he was young hence with my grandpa so willing to accept him as family, he so wanted to return that gratitude. And when my mum was being ill-treated by my paternal granny when she was young due to my granny not willing to accept my dad married b4 my elder uncle, she juz accept it( with the CONSTANT complaints to me OF COURSE) and still stick to my dad. And aso when my dad was humiliated by his siblings and hurted emotionally by their accusations publicly, my mum gave her full support to my dad, willing to give up her integrity on knocking my uncle's house door even after they gave the ultimate on not permitting my family to their house at all.

Really wonder, who or will there be some1 in the future, that i can share my burden and thots with and not be overwhelmed by them. Its hard though and very intimidating for mi to accept and shared, for i been hurted so many times b4. Making me always want to hide in my shell, plus the cruelty and the reality of life hardens my life and heart. Those are the tests that i hve to go through and yet no one will understand, for it might not sound right to others. But when one is driven to a corner, one will b desperate enuff to do anything to resolve the issue. And hence i have to do so, work for them, work to resolve them regardless of my physical health or mental health, to maximise human potiental to life ..

Not tht i wish for a relationship now, but it is the things that u see sometimes makes one doubt their life and whether are they on the right track. Haizzz .. I guess i am juz in the moment on the life changes after this semester which the real world is awaiting for me. I am ready for it, but emotionally it can be very uncertained juz like a lion awaitin to pounce and devour me whole. All i knw i wan the best for my family. Juz like how i wan the best for my mum, dad and sister. And tht is my goal, my goal in life. Not pretty much about myself but for them. As I was wandering ard the city b4 work, i was tinkin abt the money i am gettin now and past by several shops that sells watchs. Not tht i want them, but i was tinkin how my mum like watches, and how she like to collect them. She would always say how nice square/rectangle watches are, and how she long for one but yet unwilling to splurge coz she knows she has better use of the money for us. Now tinkin back, I really loved by her on how she willing to spend her youth to groom me to be a better person to be a successful individual. I so at tht moment, wanted to get tht seiko watch which looks so for her. Haizzz .. k i am rambling ...
Back to studyin den ...

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