He was the juz like Aston Kusher, knwing my thots and humour within our friendship for 3 yrs, knwing when to be there for mi, willin to explain to me wht is right/wrong , oftenly patience and kind. Knwin he was juz a replacement for company or a temporary refudge for friendship, but yet he was willin to be tht shield.. And while i was watchin, i was constantly reminded by Alan's presense for actions.

I was juz tokkin to one of my closest frenz recently about me being hveing a phobia for relationship, or more of wantin to knw myself more b4 i decide to commit. But sometimes it aso strike me tht mayb deep in my heart, i cant shake away my emotions n feelings for the last relationship i had with him. Mayb the chords in my heart left mi too much to heal and step up to the nxt level which i am whole. And hence i am tryin to recover. I haben really cry for quite a long time, but oni when times it comes for mi to reflect abt how i feel, i always get teary .. Is it being bein sorry for myself, or more of i still reminscene him being by myself.

But times in times, ppl hve to let go dun they.. juz like how he let go of mi, leaving us alone. Now dun get the wrong idea tht i am resentful of him. No it is not tht i typed this. But it is the truth, he did let go of me for wht i was b4. And i dun really blamed him, but i blamed the time period chosen. But in a way, i kept too much things to myself for him not to understand my thots and plight i was in den. He might not tink i lurve him still, and to even to ask mi now, i still cant give a certain answer on not missin him anymore ...

Perphas, it is the romance tht ruin the friendship. If den, i hve chosen friendship over everything, it might not be like tis ... But if it hasnt happen, i might not be who i am now ... « hide the crap