At tht moment, most of us reacted with the news with chide, commenting about how it must be unplanned pregnancy for her to choose tis path and gossiped wht-so-ever( gals as usual ). But when to come across her blog, seeing her so happie with her children and hving wht she consider impt, i den questioned myself " am i wrong ? Am i in the correct path which leads mi to true happiness ?"

I mean comparing to her, I am not happie ... I am not happie at my current self, my current state and my current life. For i chosen to tis path, but her choosing a simpler life have everything she ever wanted. Her smiles, her radiant look on her face when she describes abt her children, her joy when she is celebrating her 5th yr of marriage with her husband, her being with her own family, all at the age of 23.
But here i am aso at the age of 23, choosing the path i am now, with no true smiles, no radiant look , bleak future for fear of no jobs , nothing in the relationship department, struggling like shit for my studies, being so pessimistic about life, living alone at a different culture, being still a burden to my family.

I wonder am i to envy her ?
For she has accomplished so much den i do, for she has some1 she truly love and is being treated likewise, for she has offsprings to nurture of, for her hving her own family, for her not being a burden to her family, for her radiant smile on her face, being satisfied of wht she has now, for her being young and hve everything she viewed impt, for her simple thots of life and thus live happily, doing wht she wills.
Unlike her, i hve nothing in my name, like i mentioned above a burden, feelin alone most of the time( though sometimes i do enjox it ), in constant fear for my future, and forced to bridge my principles and morals at anytime, and not doing wht i wished for, not hving some1 whom i can love and feel for, nor some1 to reprociate tht feelings for mi.

I knw i told cin b4, every1 has their own life, and with tht decision u make, u learn something new. And thus should not be de-moralized nor fear should it be a wrong choice. But when u come to tink of how others hve and yet u hve nothing due to the life u choose to, u will doubt urself. Am i not fortunate enuff to enjox tht ? Why do i hve to go through such ? Why i cant be juz as happy as others are ?

I asked myself " if given a choice, would i give up wht i hve now to have hers ?"
Yet my answer is " I dunnoe " ... « hide the crap