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Sunday, July 04, 2004
 
Those who are my visitors .. if u are not in my friendster list, please do add mi @ bbsonya@gmail.com ...

At least there is somewhere i will be active in ...

Everything frm surroundings and people are so different now ... feel out of place , dunnoe how to speak and feel for here is unfamiliar ... where and when did the familiar surrounding disappeared to ? I knw i choose so .. thus i cant complain ...

Though i did comment previously on to continue the bloggie or not, but now i have make a decision on continuing this bloggie ... Why ? Becoz the bloggie is all about my life, and my life still goes on .. no matter where i am no matter how i feel ... my life goes on ... juz much loneliness enhanced .. hopefully, my posts doesnt goes to much wayward for my non-existence love life .. Anyway back to the bloggie ....

The below is from my bullentin board :

it has been a while since my last heartbreak. Not that i am proud of it but being attached more than 4 times ( okie, it might be more. and if the number that i said does not tally, which means 1) i din not say the truth coz there are some short-term relationships i had which is not worth mentioning, aka i lie then 2) Or i lie here . now back to Topic ), i realise that i have committed a lot of wrongs and also experienced tons of ups and downs. I am guilty of the sin "double standards" as well.

Some ppl may say i am pathetic with so many failed relationships. But yet, i am dont tink i am. Mainly becoz, i behave what i tink and believe in. and though it may leadly to disastrous results, still i am well and alive. Now though i am recurperating from the last breakup, and still broody over it( well my fren say so) and yes there are ppl ard mi keep consoling mi and etc.
For example : "why do you always want to be in such a mood? hmm.. cos to me, you're like... brooding over things and not wanting to move forward... "

With that questions and similiar comfort words, i decide to reply a standard answer as per follows:
"do you tink if such thing happen to u, you wouldnt brood? if u are in my shoes, you
probably be in the same position as i am. maybe better maybe worse. All your advices, do u really tink that i am that silly and i dont knw them? i used them b4 to console others b4. For now, it is my decision to be like this. I knw it is silly and toopid to brood and remind myself but still i knw there is bound to be a time for mi to bounce up ... but not now .. it takes time not juz efforts. i knw once i move on, i can get on with my life and have other relationships. Juz that i dun wan to. i juz wan to be here,
immersely myself to this failed relationship.
Why you might ask? coz i did and still do love him. though i should let it go, but saying is much easier den doing it. I plainly need time. "

I knw a lot of frenz has been consoling me and giving me advice, and i thank them for that and thank them for their concern. But still, i do knw what i am doing.
I been through a lot throughout my 21 yrs of life, though not as many as some of the ppl out there. but my life is really full of ups and downs. Some really unexpected things, some really violate my principles. but they are all my past and tht is wht built to be me.

in the last relationship i was in, i was afraid to give in to tht individual( lets call him A). More of, i gave in a lot in the guy b4 him ( let's call him B) and wounded up with nothing. i changed myself lifestyle for B, and suffered a lot of crap as well and in the end, i wound with nothing. And during the relationship with A, i was afraid to change myself. It was unfair, i hve to agree, but it is more of a psychological
issue that i couldnt conquer. And in the end, i got worse and lost him as well.
If given a choice to turn back time, i would still go on with him den, for he did gave me the best almost 2 yrs i ever had. From the quotes i post earlier "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others come, stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same..." i know my heart will not be the same again.

Well, since everything is lost. My life has to be restart itself again bah. Life is hard and continues to go on.


- Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. -


[ - 雯'§ - ] penning down @ 7/04/2004 09:31:00 PM

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sans amour .. mir ist einsam.....






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