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Thursday, July 08, 2004
 
i been one of the siliest person in the world ..
i thot i really could forget him ..
i thot i really could move on ..

actuallie i couldnt ...
i did gave my heart out ...
i couldnt believe it ... i thot a new start would hlp .. i really do tink so ..
i thot as long as i dun see anyting of tht memories , nothing could trigger it again..
but i was wrong ..

the pain is always in my heart .... even i tot it was over ... i couldnt even forget those memories ...

i even thot of gettin another relationship , immune myself .. letting a new start cover away the previous pain .. . i was tinking, well a new relationship seems too fast and abrupt ... so y not juz date , coz it way easier than anything .. " juz go out with a new fren ", i thot .. and i went out for a date ... but i was wrong ..
i couldnt even look tht guy in the face and tok to him ..
i couldnt hold a proper conversation without being bored ...
i couldnt ...

all i could tink of was ... i remember tht we went out juz like tht as well ..
all i could tink of was ... i remember how his sense of humour is ...
all i could tink of was ... i miss his smile ...
all i could tink of was ... me being with him ....

even when the guy sent mi home , juz a gd nite kiss .. on the cheek .. to surprise mi .... i couldnt accept it .. i juz couldnt ... he was nice and way gentleman ..
and doin his best to keep me company ... but my heart was not there .. it was long long gone .. tinkin of some1 else ... yearning for some1 who isnt there anymore .. some1 who doesnt love mi anymore ... at tht moment, all i felt was i miss him ... and loneliness when he kissed mi ... my heart aches ...

I knw i am deceiving myself .. i knw .. but i dunoe any other way or do wht to let mi move on ... i tried using logical thoughts juz like my bro say .. tellin myself it is over .. nothing to tink abt ... juz move on .. everything will be fine .. but it is juz merely covering things tht is there .. and not doin anything at all .. tht is still deceiving ..

i knw ... my heart is gone ... and it is missin his presense , missin his gentle smile , missin his hugs , missin his goofiness , missin him ....


[ - 雯'§ - ] penning down @ 7/08/2004 06:24:00 AM

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sans amour .. mir ist einsam.....






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