Monday, June 21, 2004
okie to clarify the previous post abt my none existence love life ..
it is not only he who is immature, i am immature as well ..
juz like both of us are at blame of this failed relationship ..
so there ...
out of the sudden, i thought of two yr back when my sister bday, i invited him , cin and mavis for dinner at the chalet ... and in the end, all went back except for him.
he waited at his aunt's place, which was like 25 mins away frm the chalet ... and den waited so long till ard midnite juz to go for supper with mi ... at the place where we had ban mian ... as usually he added a lot of chilli to the soup ...
i always remembered how he would chat with mi till morning (nt by purpose) and den meet mi up at chinatown to hve breakfast with mi ... and den we will chat and laugh abt a lot of things ... and after we would head off to the arcade ard the area .. and abt 1pm, we would head home to sleep ... or even the long walk to the nearby park at my place for a quiet chat or juz simply immersed at tht moment, enjoying each other company .... we never do tht since i started working at singtel i tink....
i wondered wht happened to both of us ? or should i say wht happened to mi ? is it becoz i wanted more out of everything and became more greedy , or i was spoilt by all his actions and pampering ? Or becoz, i was so pampered till i din knw when to stop , or even took things for granted, by making things worse ... my temper has been my main achillies heel, and tht hurts mi so much ...i am doin my best to control it , making a balance out of it .. and am changing for the best .... but there is no longer used in it .... it really too late ,i would really wish for a second chance , juz to start afresh and nothing more. but yet, tht is so impossible ...
"nothing is impossible", some might say coz impossible is " i'm possible" ... but at this point i juz feeling everything is hopeless. coz i lost him, a person i did loved.
a website said " you lost someone who doesnt love you no more, but he lost a person who loved him, so u aint the fool" but i am the fool ,i am the fool who hurt him, driving him away, i am too headstrong, too me, always making things difficult. Not tht i dun wan to be his fren, but i cant. coz i love him, i love him, i knw i do. I am nt sad coz i lost him, but becoz i lost someone i lost and is important to mi. But yet the reason i lost him is becoz of my doing ... who can i to blame ? only mi. i really miss him by my side, nt wanting to hurt him, but to cherish us , to cherish him. But everything is too late ... now i have to force myself daily so hard to be mean, to end this relationship within mi ... it is so hard , i really wish he would be back. i do anything and everything to hve him back .... but it is all juz too late
"I am sorry, i cant give my heart to you. Coz i gave my heart out to someone long ago."
- Sonya -
[ - 雯'§ - ]
penning down @
6/21/2004 02:22:00 AM
sans amour .. mir ist einsam.....