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Saturday, May 22, 2004
 
All i can tink abt is this song

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i can feel the every word in the song .... my eyes cant tok , but can only tear .. for i always remember the hope u given mi .... u gave mi warmth , let mi soar up high , helping mi find my way , lettin mi bloom ...

now without u sharing my joy and sadness , no matter how much distance i walked ... i feel no strength in it ... cant find my way to the road of happiness ... with a lonely soul , without strength ... only plain sadness remains ....

although no such word being of tears in here ... but i can feel how the tears are actually dripping from the heart ... with a void of sadness , empty and also lost ...
jus like how i feel at loss , empty , nothing to look forward to , eyes brimmed with tears , only sadness ...

actually i am not as strong as ppl tink i am, yes i might not say it out .. but actually my blog is my world , where i can say wht i wan and like ... becoz i often feel tht i cant form it out to words to it ... i wan to be strong .. thus i always force myself to be strong .. but actually i am vulerable ... i dunnow how many times i cried to the morning ... i hate hurtin myself ...
my temper is bad , i was raised tht way .. my mum always scolds mi when i was young , hitting mi hard when she had a bad mood ... hittin mi with a clothes hanger .. i was only 9 ... the way they raised mi and my sis is definately different ... they were more patient than with her not mi ... and made mi resent them den ... i lose tantrums ... i lose myself .. do u knw the fear they used to give to mi ... they always had high expectations on me , wantin mi to score gd grades ... and when i din, they will hit mi and scold mi .. tht i was fearful ... even when i was tht age, my mum had to work late .. and if tht day , i had a bad grade for my test .. i was always in fear .. i remembered tht a few times , i even sleep with a knife besides mi ... scared to death ... i dunnoe how to control my temper .. i really dun ... u hve not had the fear i had den ... u wouldnt understand y and how i grew up by tht .... i really dunnoe wht u wan out of mi , i thot loving someone is juz enuff to cover the other's imperfections. and to forgive .... den y are u actually building up the anger for so long and den chose to punish mi the way u did all at one go and keeping holding on to it , unwilling to let it go ... and u chose now , when i am the most vulerable period and position where i am far away and unable to handle anything . Y cant u be my pillar and not someone tht i carry as a burden on ..... y do u keep unwilling to forgive and make mi teary and heartbroken like this ... is this wht u way to achieve ? if it is , u got ur results .... y would u even say u loved mi in the past when u are punishing mi now ? Is tht the way u chose to love someone ?
i am in pain ... i am really in pain ... tht pain still linger every ounce of my thots and my heart .... it pains mi so much tht i wish i could now hve a knife besides mi while i sleep , lettin the knife protect mi from the pain ... Help .. pls .. someone hlp


[ - 雯'§ - ] penning down @ 5/22/2004 04:11:00 AM

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sans amour .. mir ist einsam.....






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