Sunday, April 04, 2004
actually i was suppose to be asleep like 2 hrs ago ..
but i keep draggin it away ...
how strange ...
well anyway i realise my circle of friends are tht small
and i am petty ..

i dunnoe y ... i feel anger .. i feel a surge of anger in mi ...now ..
i feel tht as much as some envy i am here in overseas. i see ppl doin better than i am now !! THT IS SO UNFAIR !!!!
okie fine .. i am jealous .. i am envy .. but i just life is a box of chocolates , i tink
BULL SHIT .. who say life a box of chocolate .. life is wht we hve and create .. not by it
yes its has its ups and downs .. but how come other's ppl chocolate better than MINE !!! PLUS I DUN EAT CHOCOLATES ( oni really nice ones ) HOW COME OTHERS HVE ROCHER AND I HVE ONI M & M's !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I See friendster ... i see so many uni students .. blah .. wht has singapore becomes .. some genius factory .. den how come i cant be like them.. i knw i knw .. i hve my weird ideas.. but y cant i be like those dime of dozen .. blah ..
it is not tht i din accomplish anything in my life

well for instance :
1) i was a rebel ( not really rebel but those really not wantin to listen or tok to parents typie ), i left home for some toopid reason which is not worth mention.. but yet i am still able to do well in my O's .. i knw it isnt tht well but it is gd enuff to compare with other ( i tink )
2) I speak proper english fluently ( though not super kind ) , but yet gd enuff for vocabulary
3)I went to india for my attachment and got great raves about my multimedia design ( by the web designer there )
i remember tht time when i finish their project , i even made a small clip on hving super sonic eyes on a lady who was wearing office clothes outside and when the spotlight goes , she was wearin her bathing suit .. those guys lurve it .. hahaha it was hilarious
4) I did my own FYP all by myself ( i knw ppl say , blah so wht .. but hey i knw of ppl who juz leech their stuff from others and i had chicken pox den and i managed to finish EVERYTHING =p)
5) I graduate from my Poly and hve a diploma
6) I work for at least 3 major companies before
7) I shoke hands with bill cliton ( if you knw wht i mean , coz he n mon *opps am i suppose to mention such thing again)
8) Now i am in great terms with my mum ( from a rebel , it is consider not tht bad)
9) I hve a great guy beside mi ( well as in supportin mi emotionally but not yet ... if u r thinking )
10) I hve a few close really close friends
11) I am able to live independently , takin care of myself overseas (well not really but heck i write it down )
12) I am doin a degree now
13) I hve deep chinese traditional morals ( i tink )

yes i hve accomplised somethings .. but deep in mi , i feel they are nothing .. i still feel empty ...
i made many bad bad decisions before ... and they led mi to many different paths tht those dime a dozen ppl doesnt experience ..... but sometimes .. i wish i was juz ordinary and not someone like mi , who has so much opinions and from wht my fren say i am cynical ...
am i ? am i really too opinionated , cynical ? does tht sums mi up as a bitch .... y do i hve so many questions ? y do i present different me to different individuals .... recently my classmate ask mi , wht are you ? i hve absolutely no answers to tht ... how strange ... i thot i should knw myself the most ? i thot i should hve the answer ...
but in the end , i was left there pondering on who i actually am ?

okie back to the part on being ordinary , how i wish tht will happen ... i mean not to tink so much , not to feel so much .. not to ponder so much .. juz go with the flow ... isnt much simpler ? isnt it much easier and less to comprehend ? sighnzz

but alas .. who can i blame .. i am the one who made all those choice and decisions .. who am i to argue and scream or even rant about .. ( well actually i can , which is here ) ... and if there isnt any such choices and decisions , i wouldnt be wht i am now and who i am ( which i still hve no idea of ) and the ppl i hve met and knw more about .

yah i knw it is wrong of mi to tink tis way , coz i knw there are ppl far worse den mi ...
well BLAH BLAH BLAH .. fuck life , fuck mi ( no thks , kiddin here )

la la la la land ....

[ - 雯'§ - ] penning down @ 4/04/2004 03:04:00 AM


sans amour .. mir ist einsam.....

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